My pain is NOT same as your pain

This is very difficult times for me going through many trials. I sometime could not understand why I'm still single. Some people says, "I will find one." I did mistrust this words because of my experience and feeling what I had been through many years. I feel like I am not valueable person to the right man. I know I am beautiful but not define of being valueable. This is really harder than what you see me deal with this. I have been dreaming of having a real man loves me and be on my left side but this is not reality in my life. This is like it is been 10 years now. How can I get over this piece of pain? I want this complete over because I am tired of getting emotion over this repeat like every time I see every marriage couples in my face. I was in past relationship, it was very horrible and sad. Sometime I wish I can fix my past relationship because it could be my last relationship. I have mistrust of words that I will marriage or find a right man. How can this complete done? I have been praying for find me a right man but my prayer isn't answered for a years. How can I suppose to trust in my prayer? I think I just have give up the part of my desire for marriage in my prayer because this isn't been answered in my prayer. I hate all of this repeat emotional. Is there something wrong with me? Do I have a mental disorder? Emotional disorder? What is wrong with me? Is there something absent in my life whatever had damaged my relationship? Does it affect me after I lose my great-grandma? Does it affect my angry of my father? Does it affect any reason I am not right person to getting marry to the right man? What is the reasons? There is no answer for me that I am very fraustrated. I need to know WHY. Can you give me an answer? Why do I have being beautiful? Why don't I being deserved to have a right man while I'm beautiful? What is the purpose for me being beautiful? Being beautiful can be result in feeling hurt. Being ugly can be result in same way. I wanted to be ugly, fat, and shit. Is there something I can get over with this?