heartbreak

10/25: Finally, this is about a time for me having a space in the new home. I had enjoy my vacation weekend at Galladuet University and meet a new people there. When I left Atlanta, I felt this is my farewell sweet home in Atlanta because I been grew up in Atlanta for fourteen years. Now I am nineteen years old, realized how difficult for me leave Atlanta for moving to new home in Penn. I was hold my tears my eye while I drove into South Carolina, because I can't drive back to Atlanta while I am looking forward to see new things in my life. Like, you can't go backward and you can go and see forward. Go backward is like as failure because you keep going over and over. Looking forward is like you are ahead of something that you want to SUCCESS. The eviornment, people, social, and everything here in Penn are very different!! I can't describe how do I feel about this but one thing that I can say sercue for myself feeling safetly. At the same time, I missed my people - Lia, Kate, Marla, Stephine, Jamie, Dentrience, Branden, and others. I don't care HOW old are you, really?! I feel grateful to Kate, Marla, and Stephine adviced me anything. I never thought about moving to new state when I discovered MaRcus - described his new home and suggest me come to new city in Penn. I was like ok, I would love to......and I made it. I wouldn't NEVER thought of that I would make it to moving a new state. But, I thought about go to COLLEGE in out of state as Galladuet University, RIT, and wherever I wants go for college. I looked back as when I was young girl.....you can't imagine how terrible I went through and when I was hardhead! U might can;t handle me if i;m your child but maybe you can try me or not. My grandma have had a lot of work to raise me!!!! My mom is happy and impression for her done her job to replace for my mom. I admire her as showing respect my mom and grandmother and material grandmother that they were be there for me and raise me in good way.
When I come back to Atlanta, I need to visit my family. I known that I am still feeling hurt that my mother is gone and don;t know how would I react when people ask me where is my mom at? I was like honey, she is in her sleep. It is like say it in the thousand times.....it's okay to tell them my mom is sleep but sometime it makes me feel like I want MOMMY. I'm always being a MOMMY's girl no matter what. What will affect my life if my mom still alive? If I become a mother, I will always precious my childern as my angels and princess because I want to be there for them in their life at all the times. No matter what if my childern having hearing, mental, vision, or any problem they got......I will always have them in my heart. I always want to be a good mother. In my head, I'd quit anything for my childern's need but not ever go back to anything bad again after finish raise my own childern, period. When I have a childern, I want them meet my family in daddy;s side but mom's side? I;d mind if I keep my everything straight up because I can feel there atomsphere of judgement on me a lot. I can't keep deal with this kind of feeling when I was been around with them. Talked behind about me? I talked behind their back, is that fair enough? Anyway, I want to see my brother and sister become happy aunt & uncle to my childern that they can always look up at them. Cermonii is my necies and always be my boss baby.
As my personility, it might be same as my mom or dad's character to show people who I really am. O' girl, I finished graduate high school but I have return down there to Atlanta for take graduation re-test again until I pass it. After that, I will go straight to college for the fall semester as best time for me attend. I discovered about myself that I really cared about people too much but people turn around and lost my cares because they thinks that I am too easy & not smart enough to guard my soul, heart, and mind. Ok, why are you taking advantage of me? I don't do that to you. That is very rude and ugly to do that to me. Now I'm becoming mean whenever I think you're wrong and gonna say NO to your face whenever I think it's risky to me. That's right You can't change my attitude but only thing I can do it by myself.
10/27: Oh my goodness.... I hate the parking meter in Penn because I have move my car at 7am til 10am, 10am til 3pm, and 3pm til 5pm......what the?! It's so dumb to have fine cost $15 each time u parked at the residental parking zone. I already DISLIKED to live here, it is not WORTH it!! We will moving to new apartment for us......save our neck! If they tow my car then I will be upset....I have to watch my car out at outside b/c they would have TOW my car. What the?? I can't wait to have move out of here by end of this NOV!!!
I went to UPS for the job interview today at 5:30pm. I spoke to lady about the job and she reschedule me for job interview with interpreter on Thursday at 7:30pm night. I pray God that I hope I will get a job asap b/c I disliked to depend or ask people for borrow some money. I have to learn HOW to wisely and save money for the future. I am harder to keep surivive through the hardest and rough time. Keep looking for the job. Looking forward 2 go to college in next fall semester. Read the bible. Pray God everyday. (Talk with God everyday). I would never ask my family for money because I rather not cause any problem in the family relationship. I looked back and wonder why didn't I listen to both parents of deaf child that they tried help me. Oh boy. I think my mind is just block whatever people try teach me in the righteous way. I went crazy to spend all of my money in less than a year. If I still have 90K, then I would have money for long, long, and long time. Nobody need to tell people about their money business. You can't except that people will always pay you back but you have to think set first before you give out.
I don't really think that good idea to have a new boyfriend for awhile b/c first of all, I need to focus on myself & need time to finding who I really am. I am 19 years old lady. I am basketball player. I have a good personility. Learn how to be wise & smart. Talk with God everyday. Have a good self-esteem. Be strong. Focus on education. Enjoy yourself everyday. That what I need to living my life whatever I'm here for. I can do anything through Jesus Christ by the strength.
10/27: We were talked about our high school memories. The best year of my high school was FRESHMEN year. The worest year of my high school was SENIOR year. I am hopefully that I will go to COLLEGE next fall.
Plan A: Take graduation test on 11/09/09. If pass it, then go to college in the SPRING semester.
Plan B: Get your everything straight up with your money sistuation and clean my mess up. Take graduation test in March 2010 and Summer 2010(if failed in spring). Go to college in the FALL semester.
Plan C: Take GED class for English then go to COLLEGE in the FALL semester.
JOB: Interview at UPS by Thursday night at 7:30pm with interpreter provide.
Social Sercuity: Meeting with them on Tuesday, Nov. 10th at 11:00am
VA: Call & find out when I need for making an appointment. OR walk-in for get a photo i.d with health insurance
WHENEVER you get money, set up your BUDGET plan.
1. Pay $50 for re-open the bank account at Wachovia.
2. Make sure you have money in the bank.
3. Never TOUCH your money when it will reach the negative amount in your account
When you get paycheck from UPS, Go deposit in your bank.
1. Save money for emergency - Car fix, food, or anything IMPORTANT.
2. Save money for COLLEGE.
Budget plan:
Pay for the rent.
Food.
Gas.
Pay the phone bills and switch to new carrier (VERIZON or AT&T)
Get oil change & check-up for the car
Buy water fluid.
Set up the appointment for:
Dentist's
Orthodontist
Primary care doctor (if need)
Beauty salon (if need)
10/28: Today is very boredom day for me.... I've been staying home mostly of the day time. I really cannot stand of parking meter around here in PA!!! I hope I will get out of here and move-in Jet's house... I will more happy than anything to get out of here and have less worry about parking.....At least that house is near downtown of Harrisburg then I will be fine to walking down the street if I need to....because there have shopping, mall, or any place that have in downtown of Harrisburg. I was thought about take GED exam for English portion test but at the same time, I don't want to look dumb to take GED. I want to show people that I am smart enough to pass the Georgia Graduation test. I have wait until March 2010, it'll takes FOREVER!!!! Now I realizes it's my decision as whatever I think it's best for me instead of neccessary to LISTEN people what their opinion. I hope everything will work it out for me and keep faith&strong ALL THE TIMES ;) I want go to college this fall 2010. Please GOD gives me strength to PASS IT!!
　
11/12: *yawn* this is cold outside while i'm walked to my car then moved it to near my home.

11/26: I tried to understand why does the world are in 'crazy' but let God work on me. I know everything had I do the bad habits. The devil is controlling my mind, soul, and heart. Every time I say, "I have to" but what can I change this from doing the bad habit? I realized I should not keep talking to old friend because the devil can see my eye that I am too weak to resist them. Please Jehvoah may help me to be strong. I need someone keep encourage me about Jehovah everyday. :)